Overwhelmed

Ok in the last few months I admit... I have been overwhelmed with stuff. Yes just stuff, you know that every day stuff... Dealing with the house, kids, hubby and so forth.
I wanted to write something that would express how hard things have been, and how I have managed to make it through with great grace and composure. But I think I will write about my life instead.
I really do not have it terribly bad, but it has not all been easy. It's hard when you are alone all day with an almost 2 year old who is just starting to form audible words, and an almost 1 year old whose main form of "talking" is yelling at the top of her lungs when she wants something. Also, I think most stay at home parents feel like they are just plain out of the loop. We long for the days of lingering conversations with others... Including our spouses. Yet, most SAHMs do realize that their spouses are working hard just so we can stay home.
Mike and I got into an argument this weekend. Yes we do argue... Just like every other couple who has been together long enough to know that they do not agree on everything. I admit, some things he said really hurt me. It took me awhile, however, to get over my pride, and really start thinking about some of the things he said. One thing he said was that I rely to much on others for my happiness.
It's true. I really do.
When things are going well, my kids are happy, my hubby is happy, my house is clean... Then so am I. I feel like I have done my job well, as wife and mother. But when I have had a rough day with the kids, and Mike comes home grumpy, and the house is a mess, then I feel like a failure. I feel like somehow it's all tied to me.
In a sense it is. I have heard the comment many times that the mom/wife sets the tone in the house. "When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" was a statement on a plaque at local craft fair. It's true. I have noted that the kids and Mike seem to react to my moods, inasmuch as I react to theirs. I need to re-learn to be happy in All situations.
I used to know how to do that. When I broke my arm, I was like that. I knew there was a reason for it, and that some how God would use my broken arm for his glory, somehow. I was thankful for all that I went through. God granted me much grace during that time. I am not sure what has happened since then. I feel like life is slowly spinning out of my control. Control is a big issue with me... Mike also pointed that out to me. BAM! Another reality slap in the face. One much needed.
I have also been thinking a lot about my walk with Christ, and how that has and has not affected situations like the argument above. It made me realize that I have not been doing what I need to be doing. It's kind of like exercising... You know you need to do it and that's good for you and that you feel pretty good after, but you still don't to do it. I feel like that. It's not that I don't like studying about God and reading my Bible. It's just that I get so convicted, that my convictions stop me in my tracks. So, I never even make it to the part where I come to the feet of Christ and ask forgiveness and I feel better.
I finally made it to that point today. And wouldn't you know it... I DO feel better. I feel better because I no longer have a huge burden on my back. I feel better because I know that with God all things are possible, even me getting rid of my foolish pride, and giving up some of my oh-so-precious control.
Anyway, I am not even sure why I am writing this other than I wanted to show Mike and others that I really am trying to make things right in my life.
So I guess I should get on with it... My life that is... hehe